Almost an year. I lost me somewhere in my fight for the survival. I could not write. There are things at the bottom of the heart to be spelled out. They just tap tap and tap to break free. Yet I could not write. I always fight for me and for others around me. Being compassionate is my quality. I was there for everyone when ever they needed me. But somehow some where around the orbit, I am left out of the circle once I was exploited. Nowadays, whenever a phone rings, I just go like ” who needs me now.” the willingness to answer the phone just fade away. Even the curiosity to look who called is just not there anymore. Everybody is pretending. 2011 is the worst year of my life. Sadly, many masks were torn. I always taught my kids to be compassionate, to be there for any one in need and to love everyone. Not anymore. I am scared they might be exploited by the very utter selfish next generation. I fear how would they survive the brutal truth there is not any genuine love left.
I just need an escape. To a middle of nowhere. A place of isolation. Just the bright sun ,the cool breeze, magnificent mountains, lonely trees, and just me in a hammock. I just need an escape.